I'm wondering if this is just a phase. Sometimes things are up, sometimes they're down. But it doesn't feel like a phase. But then again, phases never do until they're over. But what if this phase never ends? Is that life?
I can't stop complaining. About everything - about work, about friends, about family - except for you reading this right now, I'd NEVER complain about you. Nearly everything annoys me. Nearly everyone pisses me off. Every little thing.
And it's got to stop.
But the hard part to realize is that it's not going to change. It's me who's going to have to change.
There's this guy that works security at my work building. We used to call him Ray before we knew his name - as in Ray of Sunshine. He's the happiest guy I've ever met. He's always got something beautiful to say. He's always happy to be wherever he is, even if it's working on a holiday. Why can't I be like that? Do you have to have some sort of near-death experience to feel that way every day? Is he on drugs? If so, is that something my doctor can easily prescribe me?
So how do I get from here to there when everything around me is getting in the way?
And the terrible part about it is that I KNOW that I don't have much to complain about. I KNOW that. And I know it's stupid and a waste of time and energy to get angry about every little thing or sit here stewing and feeling sorry for myself.
I want to be Ray, not Oscar the Grouch.
Son of a bitch.