Do you ever?

Feel like you're nothing?

I go through phases. I either feel fantastic about my accomplishments or I feel as though I have zero accomplishments. It's one or the other; there is no middle ground, no gray area.

And all that's fine. I think most people go through times when they question themselves and wonder just what in the hell they're doing with their lives.

But here's the thing.

I still can't figure out what these impossible standards of mine mean. Why can't I let them go? Why can't I set my own standards from scratch? I want to set standards that have no memory, no history. I want to set standards for myself that are solid and real without guilt attached.

Should is a damned word.

But, I shouldn't feel as though I don't matter. And I shouldn't judge myself based on a fleeting feeling. And I shouldn't always be a swinging pendulum going from one extreme to another. And I shouldn't.

But I do.