Happy New Year, Me!

It was my birthday last week. Everyone at work passed a card around and wrote co-worker happy birthday wishes in it. I hate being on the other side of that. Should I be funny? Wait, I am funny. But will they think I'm funny? Yes, their birthday becomes a dilemma for my personal insecurities. I should just start signing, "Happy Birthday! I hope you know I'm funny."They're so pointy Anyway, most people stick with "Happy Birthday," "Happy B-Day, "Have a good day," I hope it's a good one," etc. Someone let me know I share a birthday with Mahatma Ghandi; trivia is always welcomed with a smile. Some people put in inside jokes like, "I look forward to many awkward bathroom stares," prompting someone to write below it, "What? I don't want to know."

But someone wrote, "Happy New Year!" and that's right, motherfuckers. It's a new year. It's my new year. And for whatever reason, that gives me a boost of inspiration. I'm a sucker for inspiration. It's the wind beneath my wings. So what do people do at the mark of a new year? They write out their goals, call them resolutions, get excited for change for about 3 days and then fall off the wagon.

Too much pressure is put on the idea that the New Year will bring something completely different. Things don't change that drastically and even less so, people.

So, here I am all excited about being excited about something, but slightly discouraged because I feel like it's setting me up for failure.

So what can I change in my life that will be slight enough that it is achievable, but drastic enough to be a visible improvement down the line?

That's a great question if I do say so myself.

I'm setting weekly goals for myself. I've got a weekly calendar I carry around and inside it, I've created a list with check boxes. Obviously, if I achieve one of my goals, I get a check. Filling in check boxes gives me a great sense of satisfaction so that's just like a dorky bonus.

Things on my list for this week:

  • Exercise (5 times)
    • Ubiquitous resolution, but important to keep noted.
  • Write fiction for one hour (3 times)
    • It’s hard for me to stick to this. I get myself all worked up about the fact that I never write and it stunts my motivation even more. So I need to just do.
  • Do something new (5 times)
    • I thrive on routine and new things scare me. This resolution could just as easily be called, “Do something that scares you,” but that seems too scary a thing to commit to.
  • Tell a lie (3 times)
    • I’m not talking about stealing or killing or breaking any laws. I’m talking about exercising my ability to screw with people. This is an actual goal. I find myself feeling obligated to tell someone the truth and give them all the accurate information. Why? It doesn’t matter. So, for my own entertainment, or just because I’m bored, I’m going to lie.
  • Be brutally honest (daily)
    • Although it seems contradictory to the previous resolution, it is not. On the flip side of the honest coin, I know that I’m never as honest as I could be about my feelings in the moment. I bottle things up, creating issues for later. Fuck that. It’s exhausting. It’s keeping me from being me.

Yeah, that’s enough for one week. It’s all about keeping the goals achievable. I can’t realistically say, “And now, I will completely change and be the kind of person who speaks her mind, isn’t afraid of change and works out every day forever!”

Set yourself up for success. It needs to be fun, fresh and exciting. Otherwise how can someone be expected to care or stick with it?

They can’t be.

Also, I have absolutely no authority on the subject. I might fall off of this wagon even though I've gone and prematurely painted it.

But for today, maybe even this week, I've got inspiration on my side. In fact, I'm adding a new item to this week's list:

  • Be inspired (daily)
    • If I'm open enough, it shouldn't be a chore to let inspiration find me.

And now, I shall release a butterfly into the cosmos.

The Top and Bottom Lists of 8 on the 8th


  • Reddi-wip
  • Padded bras
  • Colored pens
  • Judy Garland
  • Afternoon walks
  • Boat shoes
  • Stretching
  • The word "Peabody"


  • Passive aggressive comments
  • Having to repeat myself
  • Stupidity
  • That person at the party who wants to talk about "real things" (just shut up)
  • Being busy beyond sustainability
  • My own complaining
  • Dry eyes
  • The word "Peabody"

Things I don't understand

There are a number of things that I don't understand.

1) An overall seeming love for fried chicken fingers/tenders. Maybe it's because it upsets my stomach. That's a rich meal - fried chicken, typically served with a dipping sauce. Not to mention the fries on the side, also served with a dipping sauce. Ouch.

2) Dipping french fries in chocolate milk shakes. It just tastes like cold french fries and ruined milk shake.

3) Brain freeze. I don't know what a brain freeze is. I get the basic idea, but I don't think my body is capable of creating such a reaction to frozen goods.

4) A love/dedication to the band the Grateful Dead. Meh.

5) That cats make good pets. Really? Have you looked into their eyes? I'm pretty sure they just wish they were bigger so they could feast on your flesh.

6) The television show Lost. I think all I've ever watched on that show was the beginning of one episode where they do the recap of what's been going on during the season. I don't know why more people aren't deterred.

7) Dan Brown.

8) QVC.

9) Twitter. However, I'm too afraid to visit the Twitter website because I'm afraid I'll get sucked in just like the rest of them.

10) Why the original Oregon Trail isn't available for computers today. Yes, I realize the plot is not developed. Yes, I understand the graphics are beyond terrible. But it's been about 18 years since I've died of Yellow Fever or Dysentery and I'm aching to inscribe a tombstone. And then go hunting with my BB gun.

11) Squash (the food - I have no basis of opinion for the sport). Hate it. Hate it with a passion as a hobby.

12) Snuggies. Really? No, seriously. Really?