When in beautiful Vienna, Illinois

Be sure to visit Dolly's Place, a classic diner to its very core. Off the highway and an hour north of Paducah, Kentucky, Dolly's is nothing less than you would want it to be. Locals discussing hay bales, plastic laminate tables and waitresses being overly helpful making coffee rounds like it was an Olympic event. The eating part was great. No disappointment, no regrets.

The bathroom situation, however, left me uneasy.

Should I be expecting someone?I remember the last time I was in a bathroom with two toilets in the room. It was a Montessori preschool. I only mention that it was Montessori because maybe this is the exact situation they are trying to prepare children for later in life. You know, be free, be creative... and always pee with a friend.

I don't think/know if the Montessori school had an effect on how I turned out. I know that it must have given that I was there during my formative years, learning how to interact with people and learning how not to interact with people. Something very non-Montessori resulted: I like to go to the bathroom alone and furthermore, I don't like to share (more on the latter point later).

The doorknob was round and brass and had one of those twisty locks that just kept going round and round. I didn't want to check the door handle in fear that it would undo all of the important twisting I had just done, as though there were a secret padlock combination code that I had just happened to guess on the first try.

So I unzipped and sat down. I chose the toilet with the flowers because I would at least be closer to the door and have a better visual should a pee buddy enter. Also, you'll notice that the toilet on the left is a "handicap toilet." It's not higher and it even seems like the tank is narrower. But the bowl may be longer. I don't know. I guess it's just polite legally required to have a toilet with bars around it even if the toilet is the same. Anyway, I was on the flower toilet expecting a paraplegic to open the door at any moment.

[Building suspense.]

Anticlimactic is what this story is. Nothing happened. I finished my business, washed my hands and left.

But it was weird, right?